Loved and Grace

Hey guys, I know its been a while.

I don't know if you know this but I don't like writing. I don't like journaling. I don't like dealing with my feelings. But writing this year, in this season of my life is helping. Its healing my soul as is the infinite grace I've been shown lately.

Google defines Grace as  the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

 Since joining the Episcopal Service Corps five weeks ago, I've had a lot of grace shown to me. In the little and big things.  By people in my church and by strangers and by friends. Its been so good. 

Sometimes we forget about grace and how amazing it is for our souls.  And sometimes we feel so saturated in it that our heart is about to burst.

Think about the definition of Grace above. 
1. Its free. You don't pay for grace. You can't earn it. Its free, its a gift.
2. Its unmerited. That means you don't deserve it. We are all sinners and fall short.
3. Favor of God. God gives us Grace. He favors us. That's a big deal - The same God who made the heavens and the Earth shows us favor. He shows approval, liking and kindness for us. That is a big deal...

I cannot count the ways God has flooded me with Grace lately - but maybe I should. 

I've been in the ESC for 5 weeks. I've had strangers help me on the side of the road.  I've had a church take me in as their own. I've had the unwavering support of my family as I start over yet again.  I've had old and new roommates who have gone above and beyond for me.  I've had old and new friends treat me with such good hearts that I don't know what else to do.

It good to get Grace from others. You know what else is good - maybe even better. Giving away Grace. One of my favorite authors - Bob Goff - he tweeted "Give away grace like you're made of it; we're rehearsing to spend eternity together."

That's the goal you guys.  I want to spend eternity in Heaven with you. What ever that looks like. I would rather spend eternity with people who give continual grace. I mean I know in heaven we will be made perfect and it will be a little different - but in theory won't it be more fun if we are already giving grace to one another - it will be like out little heaven on earth.

SO here's a secret. Sometimes I'm good at giving grace... but most of the time I'm not.  I have a tendency to be judgey and a little sharp tongued. I'm learning - or at least trying to. But if we all try to give grace all the time - I mean I know it will be a little exhausting - it will totally be worth it.

Loved and being a (pretend) mother of twins

First off, I have about 6 started blog posts. Its often difficult to finish them because I lose my train of thought or I decide I'm tired and will finish it in the morning. I am going to start making a serious effort to finish those up.

Next, most of you were able to see the beautiful set of twins I am taking care of.  (If you haven't seen them... here's a photo of their first day on this big old earth).

Meet George and Sarah (yes, I'm aware George is in pink)

This picture is somewhat deceiving... In fact, in this picture they look normal newborn size.  Let me assure you. They are in no way normal. These babies are tiny little miracles.  Neither of them could weigh over three pounds. I bet they are barely two pounds. In the town I am living in, we can't even find diapers small enough to fit them, so we use 'newborn' diapers, which I could effectively wrap them both in with room to spare. 

George and Sarah are miracles.  If not for the mere fact that they are so tiny. Their mother is incredibly sick.  She is HIV+ and has cancer that is spreading and causing the severe inflammation of her limbs. We had been working on getting her treatment.  Sunday, we got a call saying that she had just given birth to twins at the main hospital in Mityana.  We sent our social worker up with clothes for the babies, as is customary, and then our social worker came home with the babies (after much discussion with our director and probation officer).  Mom is simply to sick to care for them and the hospital doesn't have the tools to keep these babies healthy. We had our Ugandan doctor check them out and fix their umbilical cords (as the main hospital did a terrible job) and now they are my sweet roommates. (Later, we have found out that the midwife who delivered them assumed (that's right, did not make the effort to check) George was dead at first, and did not do a good job for that reason on tying the umbilical cord. In fact we are fairly certain the main hospital did not care about these two precious lives, as they received little attention after the birth).  

Currently, they sleep in my room.  If you have ever lived with me, you know that staying asleep isn't exactly my thing. Well, this just in, being woken up isn't really my thing either... BUT it is totally worth it to feed and take care of these precious children.  In my crash course of being a mom, which is at a total of 48 hours. The following is what I have learned:

• Babies have no concept of this is night time and this is day time. Infact, mine like to sleep silently through the day and cry at me at night. 
• Sometimes when you think they are done eating, they aren't. So it is best to check and see before putting your complicated crib warming device (read: tons of blankets, and heating pads) back in place.
• I'm tired. I give props to those moms out there who are also working. I mean, I have the opportunity to take a nap at 3ish every day, but the thing is I wake up and then I am like I have school to do too, and all this morning I was practically useless.

Loved and Goldfish

Yall, this is a little embarassing, but I need you all to understand.  I have had this tub of Goldfish in my tote since I arrived here in May.  I was saving it, until I couldn't stand it any longer.  Well after I cried over chicken and dumplings, I opened it... and promptly finished it within two weeks. It was totally worth it.

Loved and Ishaka

Three weekends ago I got to visit Ishaka.  It is in the south western part of Uganda.  Its is about a seven hour drive. Which is kind of long when you are making it just a day trip.

We drove through Fort Portal... and saw some baboons.

Then we drove through a part of Queen Elizabeth Park

Some type of Antelope

Buffalo

Lake George

Antelope - we saw them fight it was cool

Cactus Tree

Drove into Ishaka, which is where we picked up a friend of the orphanage...

View from the road out of Queen Elizabeth Park

View from road out of Queen Elizabeth Park

Then turned around and drove back. Saw some more animals in Queen Elizabeth Park. 

Can you see the elephants?

Can you see the elephants/

Then stopped at the equator line (which we skipped on the way there).

It was a blast. 

Loved and when you tell me you are following/read my blog

but really, this is exactly how I feel... and you know, I've always wanted to be a famous blogger or some type of internet sensation.

Loved and Chicken n Dumplings

This week, we had chicken and dumplings.  I cried. It made me miss my parents. It reminded me of cooking with them, gathering around the table, laughing in the kitchen. I miss having the resources I have at home to cook with. I also miss having my mom's cooking, there is nothing like it, she's an amazing cook.

I miss her meatballs, and sneaking them out of the pot as they simmer.  I miss zucchini chips and hamburgers (without the bun). I miss american food, but the food here is so much better for me.  Its all organic and I can pronounce all the ingredients on my processed food, which is kind of really awesome.

In America, we think about food a lot, types of food, amounts of food, etc. In America, food is a hobby, for almost everyone.  Here, you realize how much you must rely on food for fuel.  There are less options (especially where I live) and it makes you realize that food shouldn't be a hobby.

Not that I don't have a list of food I want when I get back. To start it includes: Chicken and dumplings (made by my mommy), meatballs (made by mom), taco bell, mexican restaurant food, my mom's mexican, cheese, a hotdog, and spinach.

That's my list, for now.

Loved and being 'set up'

Today we had a friend from town come over who does our sewing.  She brought her daughter.  "Come here" she said to me, "This is my daughter, I brought her to you so you guys could be friends."  We both laughed, clearly embarrassed because of the awkwardness, and the obvious language and cultural barriers that we would face. So we chatted a little, and it was sufficiently awkward for both of us, because we don't really have anything in common, but what made me laugh the most was that its a total "mom" thing that her mom did.   It was a unique experience.

Loved and being lonely

Sometimes, I have a little mental breakdown here, because sometimes its lonely.  Sometimes I miss having 'my people' close by.  Sometimes it sucks.

But those sometimes are far outweighed by the good things and the difference I feel like I'm making.

Every child deserves to be loved.  Every child deserves to be adored. Period. Honestly it is that simple - and if that means that I can't consistently have 'my people' around me, then its a small price to pay... because once one of those kids laughs in your arms, it all doesn't matter so much anymore, because you are getting a glimpse of untainted happiness, and it is beautiful.

Loved and Little Miracles

Yesterday, Leila started to walk - on her own!

I am unsure how long Leila has been here, but she is about three years old, and had not yet begun to walk, because when she arrived she was so severely malnourished that she was the size of a six month old baby (I believe she was actually about a year old... I think).

It is the little miracles though.  Her learning to walk is amazing.  Some of these children come from truly horrific circumstances, abuse, malnourishement but they are growing here. Not only growing, but blossoming into amazing children, who are learning what it means to be loved. Today, when we were on our way to pick up some visitors, the children were all standing together, singing and dancing. It was beautifully amazing. So much joy from children who have had so much hard stuff. I wish that I could remember to have that much joy, no matter the hard stuff.

Loved and Rain

Today it rained. It was beyond a blessing.

During dry season it is dusty. Not just a little dusty, a lot.

It rained, a lot. Which is great, everything just soaked it up. It was beautiful.  I don't think I ever appreciated rain in the states, not really.  Here though, water is life, and since you can't depend on city water to be on, (it was off ALL last week), rain means the fighting at the free wells will stop (as it begun to occur when city water was off last week.  The rain also means that when I walk uptown, I will no longer come back looking like a village child. The rain also means that during every day it rains, it will be cooler and windy while it rains. Its beautiful.

Loved and Liz & Christian this post if for you

Guess what I found at the store in Kampala (they have them for purchase in huge boxes too...)

Then, I promptly ate it on the way to the car. It was delicious.

If you are lucky, I will bring you some home.

Loved and soon (some of) my friends are leaving

I made some dear friends (so far) while being in Uganda.  I feel like they were put here in order to help guide me in the beginning, and to encourage me.

They are leaving soon... but last week, I had the privilege to go and spend time with them and I had a blast.  I love them and their daughter and will miss them dearly.

But, it would be selfish of me to not share what we ate last time I was there.  So you know how you can go to restaurants and get a cookie in a skillet.  I was craving that (specifically hot chocolate chip cookies) and so we made are own.  Unfortunately, I don't know how those are actually made, and we maybe didn't have all the "right" ingredients. But we mastered it(sort of) and it was delicious.

Loved and I am doing a very bad job of documenting in photos

Every time I sit down to write a blog post, I think, wow, I should upload a picture - but then alas, I have none.

I will do better (possibly) in the future.

Things are so beautiful here, that most the time I find myself staring in awe, unable to even think about taking a picture - and then it passes/I move/the light changes/my phone doesn't have battery.

I will try and do better. Just think I'm in a tropical paradise (that is currently covered in red dust), but is still beautiful.

Loved and tomorrow is Monday

I used to be good at Mondays, before I got to Uganda.  I would be so rested and ready for the beginning of the week. 

Now, I dread them.  I don't mind the rest of the week - but Mondays feel long and sneaky. I mean they literally sneak up on me. 

And I do stupid things like stay up late on Sunday nights which make Mondays a hundred times worse. 

Loved and Teaching

I have a glorious new respect for teachers, not that I've been playing 'teacher' for the past month.  I mean I only have 6 students, (and they are all in different grades). I respect you all more.

Teaching is hard.  I love my students, but sometimes they drive me crazy.  Somedays are great and they understand their material which makes me beyond thrilled. But, somedays I feel like I am a broken record of "Stop talking" and "Do your work" and "Why are you just sitting there" and of course my personal favorite "I don't understand why you don't understand"

Other things I am learning is a little bit of how my parents felt when I would just cry and be in tears and they would say "I cannot help you unless you stop crying" which in response I would just cry more.  I am beyond thankful for my parents patience, because that happened my 2 week. One of my students was crying over her math work.  I just got up and sat beside her and said "When you stop crying I will help you."

I am so thankful for my parents being incredibly patient with me, because I have some of that patience now and its helping me become a better individual.

Teaching is hard work... but so is learning.

Because I'm sure if I lined up all the things I (their homeschooling books and my awesome explanations) have 'taught' my students with all the things I have learned - I think I might have learned more.

I'm learning how to be patient, kind, calm, keep them on task, not break out into tears, etc. Its a lot, and its absolutely wonderful.

Loved and Uganda (again).

I just really need to put in words how much I love Uganda, which is hard because a lot of times its so overwhelming.

I wake up every morning and things are even more beautiful than they were.
I meet people who have such pure hearts and intentions that I help but love them.
Also, except for a 2-3 hours in the afternoon, the weather is basically a tropical paradise.

I have a very happy heart here.

Loved and Needs

Being in Uganda has taught me a lot about wants and needs.

Like I need to learn the difference in actually being tan, and being so evenly dirty that I think its a tan...

okay.. now being serious:

I want power to be on all day long so I can have the fan running and then take a hot shower and then have internet.
I do not need power. Its nice. It makes my days easier. but it in no way contributes to my life in the way that if I didn't have it, I would die.

I want city water to be on when I want to clean my dishes and shower.
I do not need city water to be on (all the time).  There are other places to get water.  If the water is on, I don't always run to the sink to clean my dishes. I sit there and think about how I should.  When water is on, I take it for granted. When water is off, I whine. (which makes me want to slap myself).

I want cheese all day everyday. (less of a good example)
I do not need cheese.  There are other foods. I generally like the food I eat.  Yes, I would probably enjoy it more if there was cheese on it. but, it is in no way killing me to be without.

Loved and being a "good person"

Hi friends. This is one of my pet peeves. When people tell me I am a "good person" I want to correct them, because I'm not. Not really. I seem "good" because I am a child of my wonderful God. A lot of times I'm not "good" at all.

I'm full of sin, I am also full of redemption.

I struggle a lot. I struggle with small insignificant things. I struggle with big life changing things. I struggle with following directions. I struggle with being honest with God and with myself.  I struggle to let go of little things. I struggle with gossip.  I struggle with reading my bible every day and relying on my God.

I wrote in my journal yesterday: "I am angry over something I know is dumb, but I don't care." How ridiculous am I? I wanted to slap myself as I was writing it(and just now as I was reading it). I also wrote: "I need to get over it. Forgive and forget, right?"  It is so much easier to write or say or tell someone else than to actually follow it.

I don't like when people tell me I am a 'good person' for being here.  Honestly if it was my choice, I don't think I could say I'd be here and be one hundred percent honest. I'm here because my God is strong and mighty and loving and said "Go."

I am incredibly thankful that my God is loving and forgiving and knows my heart.

I am also incredibly thankful that my God has given me a spirit of power and love and self-discipline. And not a spirit of fear.

Lastly, I am thankful that people think that I am a "good person" because its nice to know that others thing positively about me and feeds my ego... but one of my sweet friends said something, I consider to be the highest of compliments... she said "You're so good for the world"  I like that much better because inherently, I am not a 'good person.'  I like to think that there are several positive aspects to me, but if I am being honest, those positive things are all not me - they are things God has graciously given me.

I don't mean to rant or sound like I hate myself - because I don't. I just want you all to know that I am in no way a 'good person' I am merely a sinner who is loved by an amazing God who is in all ways good.

Loved and just over a month (here)

hi friends!  I've been here just over a month.  I miss you guys a lot. I really really really miss my parents.  Some of you have asked for my contact information. I would love to receive emails/mail/skype calls from all of you.

You can mail me stuff at:                                 You can skype me at:
The H.O.P.E. Center Uganda              michelle.dipietro

c/o Michelle DiPietro

Kanoni Road Kigoogwa TC

P.O. Box 59

Mityana, Uganda

You can email me sweet things at:   michelle.dipietro@gmail.com

If you are going to mail me a package... things that I would like are american things and velveeta cheese. I am also working on decorating my school room.  So if you have school posters/maps/inspirational quote signs you were going to get rid of - I'd love them for my classroom. 

The best time to skype me is sometime after 2pm your time or 12-1am your time during the week.  During the weekends I'm more flexible.  

I do miss you all, but I am loving life here.  Uganda is beautiful.  Everytime I look outside my breath is taken away by how naturally beautiful it is and how lucky I am.  

Life here is simpler and I like that.  I like that my key is old timey. I like that I get to sleep with a mosquito net canopied around  me.  Its the simple things, right?

Let me know how you all are doing! 

Lots of love, 

Michelle

Loved and smells

This will be brief. I don't want to gross you all out too much. but this goes hand in hand with my previous post.

The thing I hate the most about the water being out is that everything smells like poop.  I mean everyone poops. I'm pretty sure there is a book titled everyone poops.  but if the water is out (and I am aware that it has just gone out)  I only have one flush on my toilet.... I have to use my "best judgement" on when to use that flush.  I can always go get more water and pour it in and the toilet does a 'semi' flush - but honestly I get one good flush. And that's how it is for all the toilets in the city (or whoever else's water is out).

I hate saying this, but sometimes it smells gross here.  I mean jaja does her cooking outside my window - so whatever she cooks (morning, noon, and evening) I can smell. I can also smell the charcoal (which she heats up and cooks on), the chickens/turkeys who insist on pooping everywhere, and anything else that wafts through my tower.

(*disclaimer* sometimes jaja's cooking smells delicious - but most of the time its mixed with all the other smells and its not so yummy smelling)