Hello friends. I've missed you all so very very much. A lot has happened. I graduated, got some jobs and internships, quit a job and internship, and now I'm rocking the family business, and I mean really rocking it. I'm not just tooting my own horn, but I'm really good at this staff management/client management/web management stuff, and mostly I enjoy it. What I don't enjoy right now is that I don't feel like its where I am supposed to be and some days, like today knowing that its not where I'm supposed to be makes me feel really lost. Some days, it doesn't and some days it is not so bad. Its really a hit or miss thing.
When I was little, I got lost in the grocery store. I had told my mom I would go get the bananas and then find her. Here's the thing, as soon as she turned the corner, I realized I couldn't find the bananas and then I couldn't find her. I remember crying/sobbing and just standing there. Honestly it was terrifying. Some nice old lady approached me and asked if I was lost, when I said yes, she took my hand and took me to the front, and then I was found.
That's how I feel now. Except nobody's come to take my hand and help me find my way, and I get it -I'm a grown up now, it doesn't exactly work like that. But a lot of the time I still feel like that scared little girl, crying in the grocery store.
Really, all I know how to say is that I'm lost, and I'm so very lucky to have wonderful people in my life who are just as lost as me. But I'm ready to be found. Some days, I feel like I'm lost with other people - which I enjoy because knowing they are lost makes me feel like its okay to not have everything figured out.
I've started going to this really great church, which I'm excited to get involved with. As I talked with someone about getting more involved I made her prioritize them. She laughed and asked why. I explained, I've never been a jump right in type of person. I'm more of a test the waters, think about it, and then jump right in person. I just get overwhelmed. Its one of my tragic flaws.
Luckily, I have some really really awesome friends near and far and I'm extremely blessed. I have parents that enjoy my company and who graciously allow me to live with them.
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