Loved and 42 days

There are 42 days until I leave. Six weeks. To me it seems like a long time... But considering I bought my ticket somewhere before the 60 day mark and I hadn't looked at a count down until the 54 day mark... 42 days isn't that long.

Today I think I realized how much I'm going to miss my kids.  At my current position I get countless hugs everyday, along with the occasional comment on how they like my outfit or that I look pretty. I've become accustomed to that. Not that I take my self worth from children who eat their own boogies - but I know they wouldn't be saying the comment/giving me hugs unless they really wanted to.

I guess thinking it over, I'm worried about making friends with the children.  I've worked hard for the love I get here, and I risk losing all that when I leave. There is a chance the kids won't remember me at all... 6 months is a lot longer than 6 weeks.

Not that it changes my mind - not at all. But it does make me want to get extra hugs and fish for some extra complements before I leave.

Loved and Making this my "Official" Blog

Dear Friends,

I decided that upkeeping another blog for my trip to Uganda would be too much... Also, I'm probably not going to think of a much better title/meaning than I have for this one. So this will be my blog for Uganda... which means in the next few weeks, I will review all of my old posts, probably change a little bit of formatting, and give you guys more information about me/what I think I'm doing/why I want to.

This is your heads up.

Loved and Airplanes

I love airplanes. I think airports are magical. I also tend to come up with my best/worst ideas in airports.

I am in the process of visiting all of my out of town friends before my trip. (I booked my ticket so now its very very real).  I booked my ticket to arrive in Uganda on my birthday.  If you've ever met me, you know that I love birthdays (especially mine).  I cannot think of a better present to myself.

Back to the process of visiting all of my out of town friends. I'm going to visit my college roommate/bff/soulmate. I am so super excited. When I called her to tell her about Uganda, we discussed how exciting it would be, and she understood how upset I am about cheese not really being available there.  She not only understood, but sympathized. I know you are all thinking - cheese is not that big of a deal. To me its kind of a bigger deal that hot water. I'm afraid I will lose that community when I go.

I love traveling, but I will always tell someone I prefer to be with my community/home.   I love airplanes because when I was little, I would always meet someone new and interesting on a flight, and by the end of it we would be best friends.  Now - I really struggle with that.

Loved and Uganda

Hi Friends.

Guess what. This just in... I'm going to Uganda. Today I was lucky enough to speak to a missionary who runs the H.O.P.E. Center. I have quite a lot to do before its "official" but we are looking at the April-November time frame.

Here is to 2013, to making things happen, and to living out God's word.

Loved and

Over the past few days I have come to a slight realization about my future. I know what I really want to do. I want to love people. Okay - so I know that sounds really basic, but yesterday I was in tears at the airport over someone speaking hateful words about people that I love. 

I want everyone to know that they are loved. By a God that is so much bigger than us and has more love for us then anyone could imagine.  I also want the people who say that they love God to know, that if they say they love him and then don't love their "neighbor" - then they don't get it. 

I know I don't know a whole lot about love. I'm 22 and haven't done a whole lot of dating and whatnot. What I do know about though is being loved. I know that when other people love you what they do. They sing you to sleep every night, buy you presents, try to make you smile. I grew up very lucky, with a family who taught me the importance of loving one another, and who really and truly loved me. 

My heart aches to love more people. If you really know me. You know there is nothing that is more my favorite than meeting new people... and not only meeting them... but getting to be best friends... and in my world best friends are people who you get to really 'love' on. 

I will also be the first to admit. I'm not always good at the loving others part. I know I fall short - but that's why I rely on God - because his love covers it all. 

Loved and It's funny how things change

Looking back on this past year, a lot has changed. To me its funny about how much has changed. A year ago I was just finishing the first semester of my senior year - now I'm graduated. A year ago, I was still working at a law office - now I'm working at a child care. A year ago, I could tell you what my plans were for the next six months - now I can barely tell you what they will be for the next week. A year ago if you asked me what I was hoping for Christmas - I'm a 100 percent sure its different from what I asked for this year. Different things are important to me. Different people have stood out to me. Different things have attracted me.

I am different.

So, you get it - A LOT has changed in 2012.  Somethings haven't, but a lot of times it feels like over this past year, every thing has changed - but one of the things that hasn't changed is how much change stresses me out.

So bear with me, because I am really trying to be the same, to be calm, to be a constant, but its getting hard and I'm afraid and stressed and honestly, I'm not that good at it. (which is weird, because a year ago, I probably would have told you I'm good at everything).


p.s. I hate how serious the above is, sorry.

Loved and I've really really missed you...

Hello friends.  I've missed you all so very very much. A lot has happened. I graduated, got some jobs and internships, quit a job and internship, and now I'm rocking the family business, and I mean really rocking it. I'm not just tooting my own horn, but I'm really good at this staff management/client management/web management stuff, and mostly I enjoy it. What I don't enjoy right now is that I don't feel like its where I am supposed to be and some days, like today knowing that its not where I'm supposed to be makes me feel really lost. Some days, it doesn't and some days it is not so bad. Its really a hit or miss thing. 

When I was little, I got lost in the grocery store. I had told my mom I would go get the bananas and then find her. Here's the thing, as soon as she turned the corner, I realized I couldn't find the bananas and then I couldn't find her. I remember crying/sobbing and just standing there. Honestly it was terrifying. Some nice old lady approached me and asked if I was lost, when I said yes, she took my hand and took me to the front, and then I was found.

That's how I feel now. Except nobody's come to take my hand and help me find my way, and I get it -I'm a grown up now, it doesn't exactly work like that. But a lot of the time I still feel like that scared little girl, crying in the grocery store.

Really, all I know how to say is that I'm lost, and I'm so very lucky to have wonderful people in my life who are just as lost as me. But I'm ready to be found.  Some days, I feel like I'm lost with other people - which I enjoy because knowing they are lost makes me feel like its okay to not have everything figured out.  

I've started going to this really great church, which I'm excited to get involved with. As I talked with someone about getting more involved I made her prioritize them.  She laughed and asked why.  I explained, I've never been a jump right in type of person. I'm more of a test the waters, think about it, and then jump right in person.  I just get overwhelmed. Its one of my tragic flaws. 

Luckily, I have some really really awesome friends near and far and I'm extremely blessed.  I have parents that enjoy my company and who graciously allow me to live with them.