Loved and friends

Disclaimer: I've started about 4 blog posts in the past 24 hours. I decided I should finish them all. I guess I have a lot of thoughts to share.

Sunday evening, during my weekly bible study, that two of my best friends *tricked* me into starting... I tried to explain to them why I only have best friends. In the spirit of me being transparent here - Let me explain it on here.

If we are called to love others, we should do it whole heartily. I want to be best friends with a lot of people that I meet. Its creepy, in my opinion if I tell them that. The thing is... when I meet them - I see something different. I see their need to be love, the need for them to know what love is. Or I see how much they love others, and I want a piece of that. Being loved/loving others is the best thing.

I would love everyone to 100% everyday, but I don't believe this is truly possible, that's why I can seem standoffish and annoyed at time. Its also because I get nervous. I get nervous that they won't like me, that they will pretend to like me but then talk trash behind my back. Or that I will appear to be fake/pretending.

Reasons I feel this way:
- I've lost many good friends before for dumb reasons.
- I've had people who I thought were my friends, talk about me behind my back
- I'm human
- I feel the same way about other people.

How I can combat this? I may not be able to all the time. But I have the ability to love those whom I feel God has specifically put in my path. The ones that tug at my heart, and make me laugh when I think of them. They give me joy, and they give me the strength I need to attempt loving others and being open.

So, chances are I probably secretly want to be best friends with you, to show you how much I love you, and that God loves you... but I don't know how to without being creepy/overbearing/weird. So, if it seems that I'm standoffish, bitchy, etc- now you know why.