Loved and

Over the past few days I have come to a slight realization about my future. I know what I really want to do. I want to love people. Okay - so I know that sounds really basic, but yesterday I was in tears at the airport over someone speaking hateful words about people that I love. 

I want everyone to know that they are loved. By a God that is so much bigger than us and has more love for us then anyone could imagine.  I also want the people who say that they love God to know, that if they say they love him and then don't love their "neighbor" - then they don't get it. 

I know I don't know a whole lot about love. I'm 22 and haven't done a whole lot of dating and whatnot. What I do know about though is being loved. I know that when other people love you what they do. They sing you to sleep every night, buy you presents, try to make you smile. I grew up very lucky, with a family who taught me the importance of loving one another, and who really and truly loved me. 

My heart aches to love more people. If you really know me. You know there is nothing that is more my favorite than meeting new people... and not only meeting them... but getting to be best friends... and in my world best friends are people who you get to really 'love' on. 

I will also be the first to admit. I'm not always good at the loving others part. I know I fall short - but that's why I rely on God - because his love covers it all. 

Loved and It's funny how things change

Looking back on this past year, a lot has changed. To me its funny about how much has changed. A year ago I was just finishing the first semester of my senior year - now I'm graduated. A year ago, I was still working at a law office - now I'm working at a child care. A year ago, I could tell you what my plans were for the next six months - now I can barely tell you what they will be for the next week. A year ago if you asked me what I was hoping for Christmas - I'm a 100 percent sure its different from what I asked for this year. Different things are important to me. Different people have stood out to me. Different things have attracted me.

I am different.

So, you get it - A LOT has changed in 2012.  Somethings haven't, but a lot of times it feels like over this past year, every thing has changed - but one of the things that hasn't changed is how much change stresses me out.

So bear with me, because I am really trying to be the same, to be calm, to be a constant, but its getting hard and I'm afraid and stressed and honestly, I'm not that good at it. (which is weird, because a year ago, I probably would have told you I'm good at everything).


p.s. I hate how serious the above is, sorry.

Loved and I've really really missed you...

Hello friends.  I've missed you all so very very much. A lot has happened. I graduated, got some jobs and internships, quit a job and internship, and now I'm rocking the family business, and I mean really rocking it. I'm not just tooting my own horn, but I'm really good at this staff management/client management/web management stuff, and mostly I enjoy it. What I don't enjoy right now is that I don't feel like its where I am supposed to be and some days, like today knowing that its not where I'm supposed to be makes me feel really lost. Some days, it doesn't and some days it is not so bad. Its really a hit or miss thing. 

When I was little, I got lost in the grocery store. I had told my mom I would go get the bananas and then find her. Here's the thing, as soon as she turned the corner, I realized I couldn't find the bananas and then I couldn't find her. I remember crying/sobbing and just standing there. Honestly it was terrifying. Some nice old lady approached me and asked if I was lost, when I said yes, she took my hand and took me to the front, and then I was found.

That's how I feel now. Except nobody's come to take my hand and help me find my way, and I get it -I'm a grown up now, it doesn't exactly work like that. But a lot of the time I still feel like that scared little girl, crying in the grocery store.

Really, all I know how to say is that I'm lost, and I'm so very lucky to have wonderful people in my life who are just as lost as me. But I'm ready to be found.  Some days, I feel like I'm lost with other people - which I enjoy because knowing they are lost makes me feel like its okay to not have everything figured out.  

I've started going to this really great church, which I'm excited to get involved with. As I talked with someone about getting more involved I made her prioritize them.  She laughed and asked why.  I explained, I've never been a jump right in type of person. I'm more of a test the waters, think about it, and then jump right in person.  I just get overwhelmed. Its one of my tragic flaws. 

Luckily, I have some really really awesome friends near and far and I'm extremely blessed.  I have parents that enjoy my company and who graciously allow me to live with them.

Loved and friendship

Hi friends,

I may have written about this before, may not.  I think friends are the most important thing anyone can have. I *try* to commit to my friends because I think its so important that they know their value and that they are loved.

I tend to be choosy about who I invest time in, because my dear friends: I am in it for the long haul.

Once I choose to be committed to being your friend, I don't think I leave a lot of choice in it for you. (lucky you).  This is also how I get myself hurt/stressed/overwhelmed, because I only want to be/know how to be best friends or acquaintances. I'm not huge on having just regular friends.  Mostly because I don't know how.    And I am really struggling with that right now.

Loved and what I've been keeping

Hi friends.  I want to start by saying that, as an individual, this year has been good.  In general, good things happened. I've grown in positive ways, met amazing people, and been given the chance to fall in love with God over and over again...

But for the people around me. 2012 has sucked. and not just a little bit... but majorly.  I wrote a while back about my friend losing her father.  I'm not sure if I shared with you all that one of my sorority sister's lost her mother. Lastly, I've known for about a month-ish but haven't been able to talk about it. Or not very much at least.

My dear friend, sorority advisor, and role model (emily) lost her baby. I can't even begin to describe how I felt when I found out... You see I was at her house when she secretly took the pregnancy test, I was sitting beside her when she texted her husband to tell her, and I was the first person to know besides her husband.  The funny thing is earlier that night I had asked her about it, I had told her I wanted her to have a baby really bad, and she told me that she wanted one too.  And then she made me keep it a secret. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the worst at keeping secrets. I'd ask her each week, how things were.  She'd smile and whisper that things were going great.  When she finally made the announcement - 4ish months after I found out.... I was thrilled and relieved.

Flash forward to May, the baby is due to be born that month. And then I get an email from our other advisor, telling us that Emily has had a miscarriage.  I have been unable to deal with it. I mean its not fair.  I was born (way more) premature, and I lived.  Jackson died before he got to even see the world. Before the 35 girls in our chapter got to love on him, before we got to buy him cute toys and outfits. It's not fair.

The worst part about all of these sucky things that keep happening are that they are happening to genuinely good people.

Loved and the week

Each week, I seem to start over with a completely new set of goals. It's like somehow over the weekend I get renewed strength and focus and drive. (that will eventually drain out of me by Thursday or Friday).

This weeks goals: Gym everyday (i'll be out of town saturday and sunday though), healthy eating habits 90% of the time.  Finish mailing out graduation thank yous.  Apply for 3 jobs in varying locations.  Plan one trip to see any one of my friends who are living out of North Carolina. Oh, and I should start reading my bible everyday too... because its kind of a good book. 

I was okay with being at home for a while, but it kind of hit me this weekend - that living in my house with my parents isn't exactly where I want to be right now. (and I don't really know where I want to be)

Loved and visiting

Those of you who know me well, would know my sister and I have never been particularly close.

Well, I just got back from visiting her and it was wonderful.  I mean ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.  I had a great time - she said she had a great time - and neither one of us would have said it if we didn't mean it.  I went up to DC with my parents to celebrate for Father's Day.  We went to an amazing museum.

And then we talked about me visiting again.  I don't want to jinx it or anything... but now that we are enjoying each others company, I would consider looking up there for a job.

Loved and my excuse

Hi friends.

Believe it or not, I have a semi-excuse for why I haven't been updating you.  I actually have several.  I've been busy, bored, working, not-busy, traveling, working-out, talking, crying a little, and smiling a lot.

So.  I have lots to tell... but here's the thing - I don't know where to start, or to re-start.   Or if it even matters.  Life get's bogged down, and we change resolutions and change our goals.  I have about a million things to do - every second of every day - but instead of crossing stuff off of my list - sometimes I like to sit in the excitement of it all.

I like to let it all build up.

Let me share with you the best/worst of it all.  I am working for a company doing marketing things.  I enjoy it, for now.  I am working for my mother doing communications/office/you name it things.  I enjoy that to.  I am about to start volunteering/interning/hanging around until they give me a job/can hire people at another company.  I'm nervous about that.

I've been working out every day.  Except Saturdays, because the YMCA doesn't hold convenient hours for me then and I've been busy.  I like working out.  Its kind of like an escape, because when I tell my parents I'm going to work out - they won't tell me no.

I've been missing my friends a lot.  All my friends.  A lot are still around - I've just been missing them - or weird about calling - or blah blah blah. ... but a lot of them are gone for the summer and that makes me sad/weird/I don't really know how to explain it.

I don't mean to overshare/make anyone nervous/worried for me... but I've been crying a little too.  Here are the conditions under which this occurs: a) Its always after I work out b)Its always something that I can't quite put my finger on And c) It only lasts for a few minutes.  Weird right?  My sister said I've always cried a lot - I told her its different this time - because for the last few months I've been really good about controlling it.

I am far happier than I was in school, but far less happy than I remember being a month ago... or compared with last summer.

If you can't tell - I am kind of a mess.  I mean just kind of everywhere. I'm okay with this right now.  I am going to let it build up a little more before I act.  That way I can be sure to only pay attention to the really important things.

Loved and the most perfect gift

This morning. I got the best gift I have ever been given. The gift of knowing someone loves me, that they consider me a part of their family, and that they think I can change the world. This gift came with something else too...

So, I guess that means I will have to keep sharing with you all my daily struggles of being loved by a God who is so in control that its breathtaking. and the struggles of continually being loved by a God whom I often turn away from due to fear and frustration... but most of all the fact that it is so hard to comprehend for me, that our Heavenly Father has put people here on earth who love me with that type of heart. The unconditional part. The part where they make it clear.

Loved and sorry I went missing

Hi friends!

I'm sorry I took a break from posting. Its been a busy May... and from my previous posts you all probably know how much I love the month of May... So now I am going to catch you up...

This is a photo of me at my graduation... where it poured rain... With my parents... who are dressed in trash bags.

Then, I came home and spent time with my wonderful Aunt and Uncle whom make me laugh and smile. Which then brings us to the Wednesday after Graduation... where I got to pick up a super adorable 5 year old from preschool.

We ate chic-fil-a and played at sciworks (only after a long car ride in the pouring rain). It was fantastic. Then the next night I got to come over for another play time where we danced in her room. Honestly, I like hanging out with five year olds a lot.

Then I went hiking with one of my favorite people... and saw some pretty awesome waterfalls!

Then I went to the zoo (to see the animals... and the dinosaur exhibit) with two of my absolutely favorite people in Clemmons...

And then I went on a cruise... with these girls!

and had my birthday!

and then I celebrated the fact that one of my dear friends is about to get married, with a fabulous bachelorette party at the beach... (I don't have any pictures from the beach yet... so this is from a couple weeks ago).

and then I ran up to Asheville to see caitlin and marie and get some more of my junk. and now I'm home and playing again with my friends... My life is absolutely wonderful... It definetly has had its sad moments these past weeks. and the moments of I don't even know how to respond... but the goodness has always shone through.

Loved and guess what I just bought

I just bought a tiara. You might thing I'm kidding... but for those of you who know me and know how much I love my birthday... know that this is a true statement.

Also, since I will be spending my birthday on a cruise ship, and all those people don't know it will be my birthday, I'm going to wear a tiara to let them in on the celebration.

all day long.

My birthday is coming so soon, and I am so excited. If you want we should celebrate... because May is one thing I'm really good at. I'm good at celebrating, and May always has lots of reasons for that (at least for me).

So let's celebrate.

Loved and hype

May has always been a hype month for me... I mean technically my birthday bubble doesn't have to be a month long, but when my birthday falls perfectly in the middle... how can I resist.

Today was pretty unofficial, but I had lunch with one of my favorites, was super productive and am about to head out to see more lovely friends.

In the midst of my birthday/graduation/impending vacation hype. I remembered something. I am not but I know I am. Its a book. One that I really enjoyed reading... and gave me a good adjustment that I needed. I am not a big deal, God is.

This is where I become fickeled... You see, I love birthdays. Everyone's birthdays. To me they aren't just a big deal, they are a huge deal. To me they are wonderful because its a celebration of the past year, its a marker to a new year, it is a renewal.

I once had a friend say "Birthday's aren't a huge deal because everyone has them" my argument... "One day you won't have anymore and you will regret saying that" (yes I said that, and although it sounds childish and brash. I still agree).

I love love love birthdays. I love love love celebrating. but I love love love being a part of God's story. I know I don't need my own month. but I am going to celebrate my birthday, all month long.

I am excited about my birthday
I am excited about my graduation
I am going to celebrate
I am going to tell everyone that its my birthday and that I have two degrees


but I know this...

I am but I am not.

Loved and being reckless

So. Hi, I am graduating on Saturday. Consider this your invitation. I am at a loss for what's next. I am also at a bit of a messy place. I don't want to be a responsible adult. I know that just because I'm graduating, doesn't mean I have to be a grown up, but that's how I am feeling. I am looking for any chance to be reckless. I know that this isn't really okay, but its like the temptation, is too much. I want to cause trouble, do the things I know I shouldn't, and have fun. I will be an adult soon. I will stop being reckless... but for now I just want to have fun and play.

Loved and my very last week of undergrad

This is my last week of undergrad. Ever. I'm having fun, planning big things, and not worrying about what's next. and its very very nice. I am planning fun summer trips and thinking about changing the world. I've decided that is my post-undergraduate career. world-changer. Let me know if you hear of any job openings.

Loved and my impending future

Hi. I have four days left of class, and one day of presentations. I have a list of everything I have left to do, and I really think I can do it. I have some sort of job after school, so I won't feel useless. I have plans with friends. I have an impending trip to Africa. I am so very blessed. ... but I am still not incredibly focused. I still have daily struggles, and 95% of the time, I am so overwhelmed that it makes breathing difficult. but, I am loved first and foremost.... so I think I might be able to handle it.

Loved and this past week

This past week has been awesome in the fact that its my second to last week of undergraduate work. This past week has been awful, for the exact same reason. I'm working so hard, and there seems like I have little to show for it. Also, my introversion is starting to get the best of me. When I sit down to watch movies and do homework, I honestly want to be alone. I'm not angry or sad or anything. I am actually really really happy. I just want to be alone. I can't even describe how happy I've been lately, and it almost seems like something bigger than 'happy' although, I'm not quite sure how to explain it. So this is my blanket apology. I'm sorry that these next two weeks I don't want to 'hang out' I don't want you to 'sit with me' I don't want anything, I just want to be done. But, I'm going to really try, try to 'hang out,' try to not cringe when you decide you want to 'sit with me,' try and accept all the nice actions. I am just honestly super more than happy with nothingness right now.

Loved and check-ups

Recently, one of my absolutely favorite friends lost her daddy. When I first received the news I didn't cry, I just pursed my lip, put my phone down and moved on. Honestly, at that moment, I didn't know what to do. She had recently helped me through the death of one of my sorority sister's mothers, and I remember her saying the best thing I could possibly do is to just be there. That was my intent. I let her know I'd be there if she needed anything, but she's a grown-up and has a lot of really super awesome friends (like I do). So I knew she'd be well taken care of even if I couldn't get to her. I called a few times to her house, to do some check-ups. The first couple of times, I only spoke to her husband. Each time, he seemed thankful that I called and at the end of the call asked me how I was doing. Let's just say, I know he could probably tell, but I wasn't - not really. I was struggling with the reality of all of it. My heart hurt for her, and I knew it wasn't me that could fix it. Also I was overwhelmed with school and future plans and just junk in general. When I did get to talk to her, she told me how happy she was that I got to meet her daddy. I could not even explain to her how much I had enjoyed that. He was absolutely wonderful. Someone who helps to give me faith in humanity as a whole. Also, he is really really funny. Like laughing so hard I can't breathe funny. (one of my favorite qualities). But talking with her, wasn't exactly the same, and I couldn't exactly point out how I could tell so clearly that it wasn't. And I also thought, maybe my own "junk" was clouding things. So, this past weekend, when I called to check up on my dear friend, I figured it out, almost immediately. Its the way she answers the phone when I call. I was reassured when I called to ask when I could see her, and I said "Hey, this is Michelle" and she replied "Michelle, who?" She always answers the phone like that when I call. and I love it. In fact, that's how I can tell when something is really wrong - when she doesn't. That's how I know she's going to be okay. Also, that's when I realized we all have our own "junk" its part of our everyday. I think sometimes God gives it to us to see how we handle it, and I think sometimes he needs us to rely on him and not on others. I've cried a lot through this. Particularly after I got to see her and her adorable daughter and possibly why writing this in the campus computer lab. But this is what I learned: - God heal's all of our wounds - I have really awesome friends, that I possibly love too much - I should enjoy the time I have with others - oh and I should rely on God to deal with my "junk" - Checking-up on others is something that is important I hope this makes the type of sense that I'm meaning for it to make which is: I really love my friends, I really loved my friend's daddy, I really need to learn to let God heal others, I really need to learn to let God deal with my junk.

Loved and my interview

Hey friends. So I had an interview on Friday. Some of you keep insisting to ask me about it. This is why I've been avoiding talking about it. (Also sorry for the no posts lately... I've been *trying* to finish up my schooling and stuff and I enjoy this too much, so I've been using it as a treat for myself.) So. Interview: First off I apparently went to the wrong door, and then I was really nervous. and she was scary and I tried my hardest to make her smile, but honestly I didn't feel confident - and that's not something I'm used to. In other parts of my life, school is winding down. Graduation seems realistic. I have a couple of job prospects outside of this interview. and I am going to Africa at the end of September. That's my life right now.

Loved and back to our focus

Hi friends. I wanted to remind you all why I started this. This is your reminder that you are loved. by God. and that in itself, is a pretty big deal. and by pretty big, I mean huge, unfathomable, universe sized big deal. I just wanted to remind you guys. (also, for those of you who were on the edge of your seats about my competency exams... Let's wait till Thursday)

Loved and I have the biggest test of my collegiate career in 3 hours

Good title, right?

But really... I'm nauseous, light headed, and I only slept 4 hours last night.

Usually I would tell others that there is no way one test can define you. I'm trashing that advice. This one test will define me. It will define me in a way that is different. It will let me know if all the material that I've studied so hard for 4 years is there still, and it will define me in how much I trust myself.

Right now I'm feeling fairly confident. In trusting myself, at least. I know that I am a good student. I know I have some sort of future, and I'm confident in my decisions and their outcomes.

I'll let you know how I feel after the test... because I have round 2 on Thursday.

Loved and friends

Disclaimer: I've started about 4 blog posts in the past 24 hours. I decided I should finish them all. I guess I have a lot of thoughts to share.

Sunday evening, during my weekly bible study, that two of my best friends *tricked* me into starting... I tried to explain to them why I only have best friends. In the spirit of me being transparent here - Let me explain it on here.

If we are called to love others, we should do it whole heartily. I want to be best friends with a lot of people that I meet. Its creepy, in my opinion if I tell them that. The thing is... when I meet them - I see something different. I see their need to be love, the need for them to know what love is. Or I see how much they love others, and I want a piece of that. Being loved/loving others is the best thing.

I would love everyone to 100% everyday, but I don't believe this is truly possible, that's why I can seem standoffish and annoyed at time. Its also because I get nervous. I get nervous that they won't like me, that they will pretend to like me but then talk trash behind my back. Or that I will appear to be fake/pretending.

Reasons I feel this way:
- I've lost many good friends before for dumb reasons.
- I've had people who I thought were my friends, talk about me behind my back
- I'm human
- I feel the same way about other people.

How I can combat this? I may not be able to all the time. But I have the ability to love those whom I feel God has specifically put in my path. The ones that tug at my heart, and make me laugh when I think of them. They give me joy, and they give me the strength I need to attempt loving others and being open.

So, chances are I probably secretly want to be best friends with you, to show you how much I love you, and that God loves you... but I don't know how to without being creepy/overbearing/weird. So, if it seems that I'm standoffish, bitchy, etc- now you know why.

Loved and similarities

Let's talk about this Hunger Games craze that is going on... Yesterday my friend and I were talking about it, I told her I was meaning to read it - and that I just haven't gotten the chance. We decided I would read it this week and then we'd see the movie this weekend.

And that was the end of that(for right then). Then we were talking about our lives and I mentioned another friend of mine. A friend who is seriously one of my best friends in the world. She looked at me and said with all seriousness, "You need to read The Hunger Games." Immediately I was curious. Why I thought? So after we watched a little bit of the movie 300, and she headed home. I started the book. And finished it.

I get it. I see the similarities between me and the main character, and her relationship with one of the other characters. I totally get it. It also totally stressed me out. I almost don't want to know what happens, like it would provide some type of impact on my future or on my decisions, and I really don't think I could handle that stress on our friendship.

The thing is, after mulling all this over in my sleep. Why am I so worried? I trust in God's plan. I mean, I am one of those people who thinks if its truly meant to be - then it will all happen in due time. I just had kind of closed that door for all the possibilities a long time ago. To tell you the truth, I'm still perfectly content with that. A book, shouldn't have this much impact... and then I travel in my mind to everything I have ever learned about communication theory. For a book to be successful, it had to have a character that individuals can relate to.

------------------------------------------------------


So I actually just got back from lunch with another friend, who has seen the Hunger Games movie, and then read the rest of the book synopsis online. I'd love to say she didn't ruin it for me... but she totally did

She gave something away, and it put me at peace.

Loved and a disclaimer

Hi friends. I know this is a blog, and I know that I was the one who posted the link in various places... but it actually make me nauseous sometimes. Mostly because I'm curious who actually read this - I think if I knew I might be more okay. Someone told me if I feel like that I should write in a diary instead. I told them to mind their own business (obviously I wasn't full of love for them at that moment).

This is important to me. I know what I am saying might not seem important, but to me it is. Possibly because I'm a little bit crazy, (but aren't we all?). I want to be able to comfortably share my failures and triumphs, and in my mind, I feel nauseous 90% of the time anyways, so its really no different.

I think that remembering that we are loved first and foremost is so very important. Possibly the most important thing that has ever happened. I just wanted you all to be aware.

Loved and flawed

Hi friends. In case you haven't noticed over this past week, but I'm terribly flawed.

And by flawed, I mean kind of a mess. You think I am put together? Well, those of you know me, won't even pretend that's true - those of you who don't here is insight into my flaws:

1. I think I am hilarious. Not just funny, but I honestly make myself giggle so much sometimes that it hurts. If you don't think I'm funny, then there is a chance that I often wonder why we are friends.
2. I don't know how to have 'friends' who aren't my best friends. That's why I have a zillion best friends - and by a zillion, I mean I made a list the other day, and I have like 12. I just love getting to know people and I have always been taught that quality comes over quantity.
3. I am not a pet person. I like animals, and the idea of having a pet - but I'm probably the only person who will pet a dog and talk about how cute it is, and follow it with "You're cute, but not cute enough for me to want to take care of you" I don't want responsibility for something that could run away/bite me/lick me/poop on the floor... at least babies grow out of that.
4. I get attached super easy. Like once I decide that we are going to be friends, (read above, meaning best friends) then I'm not giving up without a fight.
5. And this is my biggest flaw, I continually fall short with God's desires and plans for my life. I mean, I know things God wants me to do, and I'm eager to do them - but I don't always do them, and when I do its not always with a willing heart.

Its taken me a long time to accept the fact that I cannot be perfect - but what I can do is love others as much as I possibly can. And I like that, because that means I can have more best friends.

Loved and studying

Hey outside world. Today I am studying. Mulling over pages of words about communication. Its interesting, I mean - it's my major - so obviously I think its interesting. This next week is devoted to communication, until my competency exam on Tuesday and Thursday. Every waking second, (or the second I'm not doing something way more fun) I am going to devote to this material.

I was thinking if I studied the bible with the intentness that I am studying these notes, I would probably be a better person. I know that I'm a "good" person, but honestly, I always feel/know there is room for improvement. If I studied the bible, like I'm studying for this tests, I'd probably be more prepared for the tests God throws my way, I'd probably be more God fearing, and less world focused.

New Goal: Study the bible like I study for competency exams. Like my life depends on it - because it kind of does.

Loved and what's next

Let me preface this by mentioning there is a wasp flying around the Mac lab I'm in right now.

As my earlier post noted, I am reading Kisses from Katie. Her blog can be found here: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

Anyways, I was reading it, and due to my dear friend's concern over me and her saying she was afraid it would ruin me, I've been hyper-aware about how it is making me feel. Honestly, when she said ruin me - I was preparing for all out tears, hysterics, and a mental breakdown. I think now, as I'm nearing the end, I understand what that means. It has ruined me in the sense that when I read it, I start to feel empty. Like my heart is being drained.

I *try* to love people with as much as I have, but its hard to love a lot of people with everything, and a majority of the time - I decide that my heart is full. So they are just out of luck. Like I get to decide who I have to love, and who gets my love. God loved us first, and he didn't pick and choose us depending on the day, and he certainly didn't give us permission to do that to others.

My dear friend, also told me she is nervous about bringing me to Africa, but I am more nervous about not going. Sometimes God puts a clear plan in front of you, often he does not so that we are required to rely on him. I know that God wants me to go at the end of September. I don't know how I will get there, how I will pay for it, or how long I am supposed to go for, but who am I to ask God for what he wants for my life, and then not listen and obey?

Loved and learning

I will be the first person to say, that I truly enjoy learning. I will also be the first person to say, I hate class. I love the sitting in class and the discussion part, I hate the papers, homework, and one sidedness of it all.

There has to be more than that, right? I mean I know that all of this is important, but why isn't there more value on the experience part, the real life part, and the changing the world part.

I am a fan of education, and I truly know the experiences I have in college will be life long lessons. But why can't the life long lessons I have learned elsewhere - the hard ones- why did no one ever prepare me for that?

Also, why is no one teaching others how we can change the world? Isn't that whats the most important?

Right now, I'm reading Kisses from Katie. She talks about how the most important thing for the children is to be loved and to learn about what love is. I fully agree, but I think it should be extended past just children. We should all whole heartedly love each other. Why is no one teaching that?

Loved and silly

Today, I was really busy. I mean, bust in the sense that I woke up and had to get out of bed because I didn't leave myself enough time to really get ready, but I went with it.

I picked up my cap and gown and worked grad fair and walked around and feigned interest in jobs that I could never in a million years actually see myself taking.

And then I walked back into the room where all the seniors were... and flipped out. There, among everyone was an old friend who had moved away at the end of last semester, and was finishing up his college doing independent study in Houston...

GUESS WHAT!? He moved back. Yesterday.

So we were talking, and then we went to lunch. I went to eat ethnic food. For those of you who really know me - you know how I feel about ethnic foods. Not a huge fan. But he was like I really miss this restaurant, can we go there. And I may have a little tiny crush on him. So I was like yeah, that sounds perfect.

Why do I do things like that? Why would you eat food that you hate with someone you haven't spoken to in months? But I must say, it was totally worth it. And I decided we were going to be best friends.

I know, I'm a tad much.

Loved and scared

Today at my school, we pick up graduation caps and gowns, order announcements, and talk with business people about how they should hire us. I am not ready for this.

Everyone keeps saying to just trust in God's plan and it will all be okay. Are they idiots? That sounds like the worst idea to me - I mean I know that its true, but if they could at least be a little more reassuring, it would be greatly appreciated.

Its just, what if my future is something that I am completely unprepared for? Then what?

Loved and a new beginning

I know its March, so its difficult to say that I'm counting this as my new beginning. Today is just a Monday, but when you really think about it, we could count every day, hour, second as a new beginning, a new chance.

Our past doesn't define us, I'd like to think that we are defined by God's love. I'm unsure of the theoretical background of that, but I like the thought that its enough.

So here are my goals:
1. Remember each day how much God loves me and everyone around me.
2. Treat myself and others as something that God loves.
3. Listen more. To others, to myself, to God (not in that order).